It is interesting to note that if there is a command for children to obey their parents and to honor them, there is also a command for parents, especially for fathers to not exasperate their children.

In the first century, when this passage was written, families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes. Rome had a law called patria potestas, which meant "the father's power". The children and the wife were regarded as the man's property, and he could do whatever he wished to do with them. When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father's feet. If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home. If he turned and walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction.

It is in this context that Paul wrote, fathers do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Maybe it's good to ask, in what way do fathers make their children angry? What are some of the things that fathers do to provoke their children to wrath.

Here are some lists in no particular order:

1. Excessive Drinking. Pain and anger are the hidden burden of children with an alcoholic father.


2. Physically abusing their mothers. It is so infuriating for children to see a father who physically abuses their mother. It is said that the best way to earn your child's love and respect is for fathers to love their children's mother. To do otherwise invites conflict and disrespect.


3. Favoritism. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebecca preferred Jacob over Esau. This caused the two brothers to be bitter, with Esau wanting to kill Jacob. Later, Joseph became Jacob's favorite. Joseph's brother planned to kill him, and later sold him into slavery because they are jealous that Jacob loved Joseph more.

4. Excessive controlling and over-protectiveness. There are times when fathers are too controlling and they want to decide every aspect of their children's life. However, fathers should teach their kids to stand on their own, to take risks, to decide on their own, and to even allow room for children to make mistakes and learn from them.

5. Laziness & irresponsibility. Some men just don't do anything to help around the house. All they want is to be served, and to b e entertained. Some have even turned the responsibility of providing for their family over to their wives.

6. Bad Temper. Bad temper ruins relationship. It makes a man do something that many times he regrets doing, but sad to say the damage is already done.

7. Verbal, physical, & emotional abuse. Many children are verbally, physically, & emotionally assaulted by their fathers leaving wounds and damage that sometimes last a lifetime.

8. Excessive discipline. Yes, fathers should discipline their children. But it should be out of love, and out of desire to to make their children better, not out of anger, impatience or self-centeredness.

9. Neglect. I read about Roland Warren who said, "My father died about three years ago and I had a difficult time at his funeral. You see, although my father and I had a good relationship at the time of his death, the painful fact is that for much of my life, he was absent.

10. Pressure his children. There are fathers who have unreasonable expectations, and they pressure their children to perform beyond their ability and capacity. I read about a child who cried when she got 95 out of 100 in an exam. When the teacher asked why, she said, "Because my father will spank me for every point away from 100."

Fathers, remember that God commanded your children to obey you and honor you. When you provoke them to anger, you make it difficult for your to obey the fifth commandment and you are causing them to sin. And so the Lord is telling you, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children."


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